應(yīng)對(duì)

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

這個(gè)題目

學(xué)生在主體部分寫了如下一句話：

Worse still, not all the games nowadays is suitable for the young, especially the kids. Children may believe that they could transform to birds after jumping out of the window while teens think that their friends could be received after being shot by bullet, resulting in serious injuries or even fatalities.

教師修改后的句子，如下：

Worse still, not all the games are suitable for the young, as many of them may fail to distinguish the boundaries between the real and the virtual. Addicted to violent games online, the teenagers are likely to be aggressive or trifle with life, resulting in unsocialized behavior in daily life.

▲ 雅思寫作鼓勵(lì)舉例論證，但我們看原文的例子：小孩會(huì)認(rèn)為自己從窗戶跳出就可以變成飛鳥，青少年會(huì)認(rèn)為他的朋友被槍擊之后也沒(méi)大礙。該例不形成與第一句的細(xì)化論證。

▲ 教師修改版本中，先對(duì)首句觀點(diǎn)稍作原因解釋，使用as所引導(dǎo)的原因狀語(yǔ)從句;

▲ 隨后，形容詞短語(yǔ)addicted to violent games online前置，修飾主句主語(yǔ)the teenagers，且細(xì)化出unsuitable games的一個(gè)分支;be aggressive or trifle with life緊貼暴力游戲;resulting in 現(xiàn)在分詞短語(yǔ)作結(jié)果狀語(yǔ)，遞進(jìn)結(jié)果。最終形成問(wèn)題表象 → 導(dǎo)致的結(jié)果 → 產(chǎn)生的影響的遞進(jìn)式邏輯。

▲ be aggressive 有攻擊性的

▲ trifle with life 輕視生命

▲ unsocialized behavior 未經(jīng)教化的/不為社會(huì)所接受的行為 antisocial behavior 反社會(huì)行為